I had a revelation yesterday as our plane flew into Chicago. ‘Shepherd’ by Amanda Cook started playing on my iPod and I was looking down over Lake Michigan meeting the enormous, glistening skyscrapers and I had a thought that took my breath away.
“God wants me.”
I started to feel this overpowering feeling of joy and I could not wipe the smile off my face even though I really tried, because people were starting to stare. God wants me. He chose me. He has planned something spectacular for my life. Do you know what the best part is? I have NO IDEA what it is! I am totally and completely clueless as to what God has in store for me and I could not be happier about it. I decided right then, sitting in seat 28C that I would live everyday seeking the Lord. Calling for Him and listening for Him, not the world.
I keep trying to plan out my life. Trying to shove it into a mold that just doesn’t seem to fit. Convincing myself that I should have accomplished certain things or have had certain milestones in life and then beating myself up over not being “normal”. I’m not normal. I’m not conventional. I’m exactly how God created me, beautifully and in His image. That’s good enough for me.
I think as of now my life has two parts: before and after Poland. Before Poland I was trying to set up all these different paths that I could see my life going, so by the time I got back I could just kind of settle into one and go from there. God had set up another path. The one where I walk alongside Him. I think I prefer that one. My plan as of now is not having one. I have goals and ambitions, but I’m done making “plans”. Poland wrecked me in the best way possible. God changed my heart there, even leaving a piece of it behind, which is why I must go back.
I’m finally open to life. I’m open to change. Believe me, this is a first for me and a very big deal! I want to be used by God, fully and completely. Maybe that’s here in Chicagoland, maybe in Poland, maybe even somewhere completely new. Maybe it’s through missions, or maybe it’s through counseling or teaching. I have no idea, but God is my shepherd and “You make my footsteps and my path secure. So walking on water is just the beginning. Cause my faith to arise, stand at attention. For You are calling me to greater things.”
To be continued.